Mom

It's funny how when things are going well i'm all for blogging. Sharing my joy with the world. But one would think that in times of trouble I'd also find myself venting to my blog. But that hasn't been the case. It's like if I put the words down for others to read, it makes them all the more real. Well for the first time I'm putting down the words I learned a couple of weeks ago. My mom has cancer. As the chiild of a mother who's smoked all her life, I've always feared this day would come. That cancer of the lungs would rob her from me. But this colon cancer that has spread to her liver took me by surprise. It wasn't something I could be mad at her for contracting. It was noone's fault. She was in such pain and the doctors were mis-diagnosing her with diverticulitis. The surgery was last Tuesday and it went relatively well...but the doctors were unable to get the part that had to spread to the liver. So now she has to go thru Chemotherapy to shrink it (and hopefully disolve it all together) so they can go in and remove it too.

This has shaken me to my very core. I'd break out crying at the drop of the hat because I feared the worst. That she wouldnt be with us much longer. And it scared me. Scared me that we hadn't had enough good times together. Scared me that she wouldnt be here long enough to really get to be a part of the kid's lives. Scared me that I'd no longer have my biggest supporter around.

Her favorite words to me have always been, "if you think you can, you will. It's all in your state of mind." So I keep that mantra going these days for her. Trying to help her keep a positive state of mind.

Keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming.