Getting Healthy

So next to losing weight, the step to getting healthy is to get my butt back to the doctor. So this week I pulled up my insurance provider website and made myself an appointment for today with what I hope will become my permenant doctor. I dont know what it is with me, but I rarely stick with one doctor for very long. And this is not a good thing. This doctor, while stuck in an office out of 1979, was relatively young and knowledgeable and NICE. He didnt chastise me for being so long seeing a doctor or going un-treated. He didnt say ONE WORD about my weight. If anything, I brought it up along with the fact I'd lost about 35 pounds and was doing weight watchers.

So, now I'm back on Glucotrol and I was excited to find out that it's on Walmart's list of $4 drugs. Whoo hoo. Funny thing is I rarely buy my "drugs" at Walmart but CVS...but they charge me the full copay of $10. So hopefully we'll be seeing my bloodsugars coming on down.

Grocery Shopping Saturday

i went grocery shopping today also...made my daughter write a note for me...NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT SHOP AT WALMART ON SATURDAYS!!!!

But. I found several good things... I LOVE the turkey tenderloin chops by Butterball. Use em just like pork chops and they taste delicious. I don't really know that they're that fewer points than pork chops...I just assume they are. I found fat free evaporated milk so I can make some of my Yellow Daisy Festival soups....I found "diet" swiss cake rolls (but didn't buy them cause I don't trust myself)....Picked up a few paninis from Lean Cuisine ...and some of the Lean Pockets...Got hubby some of the 1 point ice cream bars from Blue Bunny...Bought me some of the apple cinnamon rice cakes that to me taste like Apple Jacks. Of course I bought other things....but those are some of the highlights. Just trying to make it from one week to the next.

I'm much more inspired these days....I even took my own snacks with me to the movies yesterday (27 Dresses) because I was encouraged that I got in my Size 26 jeans (vs the 28s I normally wear : ( )

When I gained all my WW weight back...I had to bring back out the fatter jeans. That was really demoralizing for me. So, I literally started over at WW...even though I'd never officially quit. I had them start me up a new card and list me as a new member. I had gained 36 of the 40 pounds back at that point. UGH. The weight loss has been very slow going since then.. It's been almost 4 months since then...and I've only lost 11.8 pounds. But my attitude is much better. I'm posting losses most every week now (since the holidays are over that is)

The hard thing for me is at the weight watchers meetings...and they go "has anyone here lost an additional five"....well last week I had...and they gave me a star....but all i felt was failure because I knew how much I had gained back.

Weight Watcher Failure

How do I start over? I know it sounds like a stupid question....the obvious answer is you just do it. But when you're 40 years old...been on weight watchers for closing in on 2 years and you've gained back all the weight you've lost. ...you just seem to wonder what's the use? Obviously, since you've been over weight all your life, this is what's destined to be!

But then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror last night and i want to cry.)Heck, who am i kidding...i AM crying) At the sad blob I am. At the huge belly hanging down...and I dont want this! I'm huge guys! My eating is out of control...tons of excuses...none of them good ones. I start EVERY day with such good intent. I start each week with goals set...only to be broken. I start each week with pedometer on and exercise in mind...and my will power is so very week.

Here it is 530 in the morning and husband is AT THE GYM and has been for over an hour! Does that inspire me to do similar (we cant go in the morning at same time due to imps to get ready for school) ?? Noooooo. I MAY log in my 30 min on the treadmill...if i'm feeling extremely energetic. I'm so pathetic.

So back to the original question. How do i start over AGAIN? How do i get back into the swing of things? How do I become that person I was 1.5 years ago when i first joined weight watchers and measured and weighed everything? when I was counting every mouthful? When I lost 40 pounds in 6 months? (only to gain it all back!)

Any advice?

Weigh In Day

The day is invariably the same! I get up and eat a normal breakfast but I down the water heavy duty. I eat lunch...very light one. Drink more water. But cut the water out by 2pm. Want to have it all out of my system by the 630pm weigh in. Nothing to eat or drink from 2pm on. Naturally i'm starving and parched by time i get to Weight Watchers! Today it was so bad, I swung into Walgreens on the way to pick up a Diet Coke and a box of fiber one bars so I could snack during the meeting. Couldnt wait for the meeting to be over so we could go out to eat. Thursday nights are free-for-alls as far as I'm concerned! Tonight, we went to Chili's and NO, i didn't order the Black Bean burger! LOL. I ordered the friggin greasy fried chicken crispers! With Corn and Fries and Honey Mustard sause...and split a dessert with Christine. Then tomorrow morning I'll be back on plan.

Bought a new journal tonight at the meeting. I really prefer the older ones that are thin and easier to take along with you. Luckily my meeting leader Jan kept a few older ones and sells em to me when she discovers them. By the way, I was down .6 this week. Not very good. That's what I get for having chinese food on Tuesday night! Growls. And the funny thing is I know that was it!!! I was down much more than that prior to that day...But maybe one day I'll learn.

Went to Dacula pool today and only got to stay for about 1.5 hours due to periodic thunderstorms. But at least the kids got to play some. That was good. I got in some too...but i need to do more swimming. I need to increase my exercise dramatically. That's my goal this week ON TOP OF trying one new recipe each week...to increase my exercise. I'll keep you posted.

Weight tonight: 282.8.

Catching Up

So many things to possibly talk about...so little time. Grins.

Kids are in bed, Dale's fallen asleep on the bed as we were watching BIG LOVE (a VERY interesting series from HBO about Polygamy) and I'm sitting here surfing the web for Weight Watcher's success stories for inspiration. I've soooo sucked at weight loss the last 6 months or so and I've put back on 25 of the 36 pounds I'd lost. How depressing is that? But something in me switched last night and now I"m back to being poster child for WW. I've been an angel today and I've every intention of staying that dedicated.

Had some sad news from one of my dear friends...turns out her husband has been seeing another woman and even went so far as to exchange "i love yous" with this other woman. My friend is at a crossroads right now and thought i might understand. Boy do i ever. The last 24 hours...since she told me everything, i've been re-living the 1st week after Don confessed his transgressions to me. Unlike her husband... mine didnt want to make things work with me. You know the old saying, "oh he'll never leave his wife!" ? Not true in my case. I wanted things to work with us, but it wasnt meant to be. And golly am I glad that it didnt in my case. The best was yet to be...

I was listening to sappy ole Delilah on the radio the other night and she had a caller who was dedicating a song to her daughters...she'd never had children of her own and had wed her husband later in her life and was suddenly Mom to 2 imps. She was talking about what a wonderful change in her life they'd made. And it sounded like I could have been the one talking. Delilah played WONDERFUL WORLD for her and I just smiled out loud.

We're all doing well here..just getting ready for my big 40th birthday party. I guess i was a bit...self absorbed to have a party for myself but I decided...WHY NOT! I wanted to celebrate so many things in my life and this seemed like as good of a time as any. I think my timing sucked financially....probably should have had a delayed party in say September...but anyway. Cant resend the invites. Will post pics from party next week.

I'm going to start posting weights on here to keep me accountable. I'm not going to be ashamed. It's merely a number. So as of last night at WW... 289.6

This That & The Other

If it's not one thing..Irritated today with a sore knee. I fell Christmas Day at the movie theater. Took a wrong step coming down the steps in a stadium theater and my right leg fell down between the stairs and the concrete siding to the seats and my other leg got wedged in...couldn't move. was stuck...Anyway, the right ankle got all swollen and the left knee was hurt. The ankle has since healed but now the knee has gotten steadily worse. It's hurting to walk, to sit, to do about anything! GROWLS.

Mom's taking the kids tonight until tomorrow afternoon and Dale and I are going to dinner & a movie date night. YAY. We have some restaurant gift certificates we're anxious to use. AND, finally will get to see Dreamgirls. Will let you know if it's as good as I hope. I havn't looked forward to a movie so much since Chicago.

Went back to Weight Watchers last night and i was UP almost 3 pounds. To the unknowledged eye, you'd think, my how she sucks at this....and i was sucking big time! But i WAS up almost 10 pounds and i'm down to only up 3 pounds! Make sense? to me, yes! Anyway...I'm back on program and doing well. I know i'll get this weight off!