I had an uncle to die this week and this was the first death to hit what I call the inner circle...the generation above me. But since I was not particularly close to this uncle, I was able to watch the proceedings with a bit of a detached eye. Now I dont necessarily claim that the following 13 things happen at all southern funerals or that they dont happen up north...but they do almost always happen in many of the funerals I go to.
13. The Viewing. I think this is the most barbaric custom in the world. To put the body on display at said funeral home for family and friends to come and gawk at while muttering amongst themselves, "doesn't he look natural" NO HE DOESN'T!!! He looks pasty and white. He's been sick for years and nothing an embalmer can do can change that. And the custom is that the family has to sit up at the funeral home for like TWO of the hardest days talking to people at a time you really just feel like being a lone for a bit. UGH.
12. Funeral Processions. There's usually about 20 cars in it and we all have special tags in our windows. As we go down the usually busy roads, cars pull over to the side out of respect and wait for us all to pass. I think this is a good thing. It causes us to stop in our busy world and think for a few seconds, "there, but for the grace of god go I"
11. Graveside services. You sit there huddled under a tent, the casket poised for lowering. Then the Masons step up and do their little ritual. I don't mean to poke fun of them, but they do look rather silly in their aprons and their hind jive motions they do once, twice thrice.
10. Clothing. Now i was brought up that you wear skirts to the funeral home and funeral. But by golly it was cold this week. So I put on my panty hose and walked in only to see 2 very well respected cousins of mine in SLACKS!! Now they looked perfectly acceptable...and I was left thinking I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT.
9. The Songs. Of course you should always have the standard classic Amazing Grace. but this was the first time I'd been to a funeral where Vince Gill sang Go Rest High on The Mountain. Granted it was a perfectly acceptable song, the lyrics were perfect. I'd just never heard it played at the funeral it's self.
8. Eulogies. I think they're cool. You always see on movies or TV where the funeral has a eulogy..but I'd never been to a funeral where there actually was one. This one did. It was light hearted and gave a more personal approach to the person who'd died. Usually it seems, the preacher knows nothing about the person they're preaching over. They'll make comments like, " the family tells me..." or they'll refer to the deceased by a name that noone calls him by. But this wasn't the case. The preacher may or may not have known him well...but he blended his talk well with the person giving the eulogy who obviously DID know him well.
7. Comin' to Jesus. The sermon the preacher preached at the service could have almost have been heard any Sunday. It featured the standard invitation to accept Jesus as your savior. Kind of an awake call for anyone who might not have....
6. Duration. This funeral episode lasted longer than most have. Usually, it's about a 2 day turn around. The person dies on Saturday...funeral on Mon or Tue. This one didnt happen til Wednesday. Didn't matter really. Just an observation.
5. Flowers. Apparently because my uncle was a vetern they had the flag on his coffin. Therefore, no flower spray could be put on top of the casket. So there were a couple of those big ole sprays on either side of the casket. We personally sent a flower basket that hopefully someone took home with them and will continue to live for a while. I also like to send plants. Something that wont die at the cemetery.
4. The funeral home it's self. I personally dont like this particular one...for one very vital reason. It only has one bathroom stall in the entire home!! Goodness! and a narrow one at that. There's just times when the emotions have started to run too deep in the designated room and you need to get away for a bit. The funeral home in Stone Mountain has pretty old antiques you can walk around and look at. This funeral home had nothing! And only one stall. Can't even sit in there and compose yourself w/o a crowd forming.
3. The comments. "Doesn't he look natural?" "You look nice Gina, You've always had such a pretty face." "Look at all the flowers" " I wonder if so& so will come?" (Or a variation of) "Has so and so been by yet? (Check the book) "Did you sign the book?" "What type of work are you doing now?" "When was the last time you saw him?" "He's at peace now" "At least he's not suffering anymore"
2. The Book. Ever notice how everyone wants to make sure they sign the visitor's book? Like they want to make sure they get credit for having shown up. Wonder if anyone ever looks thru it?
1. THE FOOD!!! I saved the best part for last. Where after someone dies, the food starts pouring in. There's sandwich fixins, sweets, fried chicken, devilled eggs, potato salad, etc. And if you're a family member, you know just who fixed what so you know to either gravitate towards it or avoid it!
1 comment:
Southern funerals are something you don't see repeated in the other parts of the country I have had to go to funerals in.
I hate that comment "Oh she just looks like she's sleepin', don't she?" NO NO NO. She does not.
Southern families seem to respect their dead and want to do their best by them. Flowers are a tribute.
You made me remember all those family members we have lost in the last ten years. Last my cousin two months ago. She was like a sister to my Mama and we grew up with them as our immediate family.
Hey, and the dead spread, though a rude title, is how the family gets to sit and remember their lost loved one.
=-)
Cindi
Post a Comment