So we were talking at Sunday School about how we can be more High Performance Believers in our homes, community and work. Since i spend the majority of my time in the home, that's where I felt i should focus the most. And I got to thinking, if my children look at me (and Lord knows we know the kids DO watch us!) Do they see what Christian behavior should look like? Do they see a good example to follow? And I have to think that the majority of the time they don't. They see a shrieking woman trying to get three children off to school. Fussing at Joshua because he can't seem to realize he needs to put on deodorant EVERY day. Yelling at Elizabeth not to wipe the dray erase board with her knee pads. Hollering at John that we DON'T hit/grab by the arms our sister when she plays with our toy that we're not playing with in the first place.
I've got to learn a better demeanor. I've got to learn how to get my point across to the children in a more pleasant yet still authoritative manner. I want to make a loving non-violent home. I don't want the yelling. I used to dread when my mom used to yell at us as kids. Made me sick at my stomach. Now I find myself doing it all the time (which from a different view, completely diminishes it's impact)
I'm a naturally loud person, i come by it honestly! (Just listen to my Dad sometime!) But there's a difference between being loud and yelling. It's just something I need help on.
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My gosh, this is one of my struggles every day. I am a loud and demanding person by nature. That is who I am, and I am comfortable admitting that. But I have a hard time reconciling that with who my babies see. The have known me for a long time, all their lives, but do I need to change that, or do I need to help them undersstand who I am and that there are different people in this world and we have to learn to love them and accept them all.
Every day we come in contact with people who are different and not perfect. People who are not what we would like for them to be, but people we love anyway. I want to teach by example and I am trying but at the same time I want to teach them acceptance and love.
There is a balance somewhere. I am looking for it. And at the same time I am looking for a way to not be loud, and still manage my home. I wish us both luck.
C
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