a panic attack

There's nothing else that can really be said to describe what happened to me i guess. It started Christmas day morning...we had unwrapped the presents and were getting ready to clean up and get ready to go to Athens for the kids to visit with Linda. I started having these chest pains everytime i took a deep breath. Sometimes they went high up into my throat...sometimes as low as my mid chest. They slowly went away during the drive and after the kids were dropped off. Stayed gone until we were at the Siler party ...and they started up again. So bad i started crying. Felt so bad. They went away after the party when i lay down and rested. They havn't come back the past two days.

I've thought and read about so many things it could be...but stress seems to be the constant...I felt so stupid for letting stress get to me that way. Felt like a hypochondriac. And it's not fair to Dale for him to have the added responsibilities when i fell apart like that. God, i hope i can keep it together in the future.

Christmas Tug-O-War

I recently read in a friend's blog about the tug-o-war he was experiencing with his family and his girlfriend's family. How sad it is that we allow these special Christmas times to be marred by petty grievances. It's ONE day out of the year...one day that everyone wants to spend with that special someone. My husband's family is the most easy going about it as any family i've ever seen! They rarely spend the actually holiday with us family...they spend it with whomever they might have other obligations with and then we pick a day close to the holiday to spend together. Noone is ever upset or hurt.

This year, the "drama" came to me from two different fronts. We made all of our plans shortly after Thanksgiving and thought everything was set. Then a week or so ago, the "ex" tells Dale that she wants to have the kids for her family's Christmas party on the same day we're having the King Party...well Dale told her no because we had other plans. She gets snippy...wanting to know who's side of the family it was...his or mine. GRRRR.

Then...my father calls a couple of nights ago and says they're changing the Siler party to 2 hours earlier...well this totally threw off the precarious schedule we'd built for Christmas day that included the kids visiting with "Mommie Dearest" in Athens. I lost it. He lost it. Words were exchanged...then we made up...etc...i gave in...said we'll just be late then. THEN, he calls the matriarch...Grandmother Siler..(hereafter referred to as GMS..not to be confused with GMK (Grandmother King) ) and she says NO...we said 4pm, and 4pm it will be. hehehehe...so i got my way...thanks to GMS...but still.

And now it's John's Turn

It's John's birthday...we spent the morning at DMV & tag office then took John out to lunch at Fatz cafe...VERY GOOD by the way with some GREAT low carb meals. We gave him his gifts this afternoon (and he seemed to love them all!!) Dale & i got him a radio controlled car (and i now know the difference between radio controlled and remote control ...remote control has a string attached that you have to follow behind and drive it with ...with RADIO, there's no cord) a snoopy outfit, a set of tools, and a ball yoyo. Granddaddy Siler sent him a new ball & glove and Great Grandmother Siler sent him a stuffed alligator)and i fixed his favorite foods (Salisbury steak, corn on the cob & mac & cheese with Bananas for fruit & sprite to drink) and then we got out the Bob the Builder Cake :)

Happy Birthday Elizabeth

She turned 6 today..and to be honest, she's been a heathern all week! But today, she made the turn around and was good at school and at home. I had a great time getting all her gifts wrapped and kinda decorating the house. I made these little signs and put them around the house...one welcoming her into the house of a 6 yr old girl...one on her chair saying, "this is where a 6 yr old girl sits" and one on her door to her room saying "this is the room of a 6 yr old girl" she seemed to really like them. Additionally, i lit all the small votive candles around the house (there are a LOT) which made for a festive air. For her birthday, we got her a Care Bear poster and a Cinderella light up barbie. From Josh & John, she got Hello Kitty stickers and scissors and a pair of cheerleader pom poms. From Granddaddy Siler & Nana Lynne, she got a Care Bear DVD. She got money from her grandmother and from Janice, so we took her this afternoon to Toys R Us and she bought a Pegasus doll. Then they all three had coupons for free dinners at Burger King, so we went there. Then home for a Strawberry Shortcake cake from Ingles.

She's really grown up in the little over a year she's been in my life (or I've been in her's)! Not just physically either! (Although she's probably grown 3 inches.) but today she sat down and read a book to me!! Now i had to help her with some words...but she READ it to me. I was very proud!

She's going to be so beautiful! I just try to instill in her that beauty isn't everything...The old addage that "beauty is as beauty does" I sooo dont want her to grow vain. But she is maturing more each week it seems. I feel she's maturing more quickly than is Joshua (who's a year older) and will probably surpass him soon.

I really look forward to growing up with her.

a break

Yesterday was Veteren's Day and Dale, John & i headed up to Dahlonega to take a gander at the fall leaves and just get away for a while. We dined at the Smith House (YUMM) and just enjoyed the day. We walked around the town, partook of some fudge and then headed back home. Was very nice!

Dale said the SWEETEST thing to me the other night. We were watching TV (Oprah of all things!) and Dale told me to pause it. He says, " You know, i love you. In you, I feel like I've found a best buddy on top of everything else." That meant the world to me.

a funnyism

So while watching BOB THE BUILDER with John this afternoon, i see the character Wendy...i ask John if Wendy is Bob's girlfriend. He answers, "yes." "Are they getting married?" i ask. "No" he replies..."She's not wearing a ring." giggles again.

Overheard today

John and Elizabeth were playing restaurant...John gave his order..."I'll have a cheeseburger and a pair of dice with heinz 67 and french fried potatoes" we'll be glad he didnt get to the cold draft beer!

So we had to Run to Ingle's today

And I told John while we were at Wal-mart that we'd need to run into Ingle's also. While we were walking around Ingle's, he says, "Mom, you said we had to run into Ingles...but we didn't...we walked."

Songs to be weary of

Can't claim this one...but Stephanie...Dale's neice says, "Mommy, can you really see paradise thru the dashboard lights?"

another funnyism

So, once again, i sprained my ankle today. This time at a garage sale. Stepped on an uneven part in the garage/driveway area and SPLAT...God it hurt. I cried it hurt so bad. So i hobbled back to the car...Elizabeth was very concerned..."Mom, it's ok. Do you want me to drive home?" giggles.

me & mom 

Kids REALLY do say the funniest things

So John starts hollering for me a few minutes ago...MOOOOOOM...Moooooom....So i go in there to see what emergency has befallen him. "i have to go pee.." he explains. "That's fine John, but lets not yell for me...Just go do it. You're going to wake Joshua." (with whom he shares a room) He looks at me as we go into the bathroom..."So Mom, should i pee slow then?" GIGGLES to the inth degree.

First Real Day of School

Our kids started back officially Friday (after having been 4 days late due to paperwork issues) but it was only a partial day. Today they got up at 615am and caught the bus like big kids. Grins.
This picture was taken Friday for their first day...What you cant see is that Elizabeth's shirt is actually on backwards. Oh well.

so i'm never gonna be thin

I need to just face it...it's been 38 yrs and 3 days....and i've been fat all but 5 yrs of it. What brought this on? Well Elizabeth today hurt my feelings...Yes, i got my feelings hurt by a FIVE year old. She huggs me and says, "i guess i can love you even if you're fat Mom." Makes me start to cry again just typing the words. God. that just cut me to the core. And Dale thinks i'm making an mountain out of a mole hill because the words came out of her. But hell, just because it comes out of her mouth, doesnt make the words hurt any less. And it would be nice if Dale would work on trying to make me feel better rather than making me feel like shit for having voiced the feeling in the first place.

the things that make an impression

So it's been raining cats & dogs today...and we take the kids to Burger King for supper so they can play on the indoor playground. John goes up to some lady on the playground and starts talking to her..."My Mom...My Mom..." he's getting ready to tell her something...What will it be? She runs around in tee shirts and her panties? She kisses my dad a lot?..."My Mom cooks corn on the cob."

4th of July

First of all, i hope all of you had a great 4th. Our 4th was pretty low key but just as i've imagined it so many times. We got up Monday morning and went into the gym to play raquetball (Dale got a new raquet for Father's Day) then we had lunch and went by Old Navy to get 2005 Old Navy Flag shirts. (What a bargain too!!! highly recommend them at 2 for 7.99!!!) Then we came home and put the kids down for a nap and Dale and i took a nap too...Next thing we know, his family is there for a cookout..We slept right up UNTIL the cookout...too funny. So they came over, we rolled out of bed and got things moving. We gave all the kids water guns and all the water they could use and they had a BALL. We had a good dinner (hamburgers, hotdogs, corn on the cob and chips, with chocolate chip cookies for dessert)...ALL the kids made happy plates..then we sat around watching the Braves game (we won :) )until it got dark, then we shot of fireworks that we'd picked up in SC on Sunday. The kids loved them!! Then they went to bed, the company left and we then settled in to watch FIELD OF DREAMS...that seemed like a good 4th of July movie. So it was nothing exciting...but it was great together time and i really enjoyed that.

Old Navy Family 

ANOTHER Sunday

God I hate these Sunday visits with the woman who gets to officially call these children her own. She got mad today at me because I told the kids not to take their socks off at Burger King on the playground. I feel like those floors get soooo nasty...and the rules say to keep your socks on...So she told them they could take em off after I'd told them not to...and they say to her, "Mom said for us not to take off our socks" ...which just pissed her off...and she replies (according to Dale who heard it from her...) while you're with me, I'm the one in charge..." soooooo...I'm overruled...It's not a big issue...Just pissed me off. And I HATE watching them come out of BK towards the car...Dale with one or 2 in his arms, her with the other one in tow...them looking like a family. I KNOW that i have the kids 99.999 percent of the time...but i still resent these visits.

John, Joshua, & Elizabeth 

oh so boring

So I've spent all this time tonight looking and browsing through other people's blogs. God mine is boring!! My life isn't boring...My kids arn't boring, my husband isn't boring...So why on earth havent I created a more interesting blog for myself? Oh well...que sera sera. Maybe someday someone will read what i've written here and post a comment on my blog. Maybe. I'm about to post a picture of the kids I took today...Even though John is looking at a motorcycle that passed just as I snapped the picture, I like it. Dale's working late again...but tomorrow, our check should post to our account that we've been waiting on...and voila...magically, all our financial worries will be taken care of...I cant wait!!

Classics Never Go Out of Style

So tonight, Stephanie & Courtney were spending the night and we found that we had the Boomerang channel. Instead of the usual Power Rangers, it was a Tom & Jerry fest. It was so awesome to see allll the kids laughing hysterically at the antics of the 50+ yrs old cat and mouse.

Sprained my ankle today...UGH. It popped and down I went. Nice & swollen now. Tomorrow is the damned visitation. GRRRRR @ Linda.

A true moment of clairty

So, I'm sitting at lunch today...looking around at the table..loving the sight of my family sitting there eating something i've fixed...all of them. Nothing fancy. Corn Dogs & Mac & cheese (John's favorite) but it was a homey feeling that just hit me right in the heart. My husband. My kids. I loved it.

i hit 120

for the first time in ...like since i've known i've had Type 2, (5 yrs)
i hit 120 today :) (my blood sugar level...not my weight...hey a girl can dream cant she???) Granted, that was with the help of glucotrol and
I'd just come in from playing raquetball and walking on the
treadmill...but STILL...by golly i did it....now it's to keep it in
that area.

When Will Noah Pull up?

Good grief..will the rain NEVER end??? The kids need to be able to get outside and play so badly!! We caved in and went to McDonalds today just so the kids could play on the playground and burn off some energy. I'm introducing school work to them these days and it's going over pretty well. They're really very smart kids. Just sooooo full of energy and sooooo competitive with one another.

High 5's to Fat Albert

I havent felt the greatest today...I've gotten on Glucotrol for my blood sugars and the meds are giving me terrible headaches.

We rented FAT ALBERT for the kids tonight and i was VERY pleasantly surprised at a) how good it was and b) how well the kids liked it too. They've been a handful today and it didnt help that i havent felt well. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hopefully, we're going into the gym tomorrow...Those kind of days are always good because the morning goes so quickly and the kids will get to burn off energy.

Back in the Saddle

I've fallen off the horse on the Ebay thing...i get out of the groove and dont do it like I should...so Sharon brought me some more stuff plus I have tons of kids things to sell, so i"m back at it today. Sold a couple of things on a Buy It now and that rejuvinated me.

We all went into the gym today and i was proud of us...we played 3 games (of which of course i lost) and then i did some walking on the treadmill. We have a treadmill i could use here at home, IF we could find room to put it!! We have it in storage right now.

The kids are napping right now...Should be up in another 20 minutes or so...this is my best time to get anything done during the day...i can slip in here and list an auction or two ocassionally...but not uninterupted time.

Weekend re-cap

Stayed in Friday night...the kids watched THE WILDERNESS FAMILY. I was surprised it kept the interest of all three kids. I'm always weary when I 'm the one who picks the movie..then Saturday it was rainy....so the kids played inside etc...and Dale & i unpacked kitchen stuff from the apartment. Then Amy kept the kids Saturday night and Dale and I had a date :) Went into Atlanta for KPOG. Then Sunday, Janice had a birthday party for John in their new swimming pool so we all went for that...luckily, the ex cancelled her visit. So, all in all, a good weekend.

Money is VERY tight these days...it renews my interest in building the ebay business. Sharon gave me a bunch of stuff to sell when i saw her Saturday night...so want to get that going. Plus, the CD's sell so well, would love to obtain more of those. Dale & i've decided to have the garage sale the second saturday in June...We're hoping it will net us enough to get the transmission fixed. Wish us luck.

our new grill from Target....hope Dale doesnt have a lot of trouble putting it together. 

The house after adding a few flowers...we have more updates coming 

still sick again

Went back to the doctor today...got more meds...He's very worried about the blood sugar levels..and I am too. Ordering a new glucometer tomorrow. Will start tracking it better and taking the meds. The kids were awesome according to Dale while i was in the doctor's office. I treated them to a toy out of the McDonald's bag.

Tonight, we drove into Target and got the grill we'd both been wanting. We were quite frugal too...payday isnt till tomorrow, so we packed dinner (fed them sandwiches & pretzels and a fudge round for dessert! Bad parents!!)

We're having a cookout this weekend with his family and it should be fun to do on the new grill. The kids LOVE cookouts so I'm glad that we're doing it. Wish we could set up tables outside to eat on...

still sick

I'm sooooooo tired of being sick. It seems like I've had this sinus infection/bronchitis forever. My ears are all blocked up and half the time i cant even hear! All this to say it's been hard working with the kids and playing with them when i dont feel worth 2c myself! Today, i was out playing ball with John...it hurt my head to bend over and pick up the ball! UGH.

Working with Elizabeth on writing her name in upper/lower letters....she's coming along pretty well i think.

Cinco de Mayo

ok..physically, i feel like crap...the sinus infection i've got is kicking my butt! My ears, my chest, the cough...all combine to put one foot of mine on a banana peel.

The kids have been pretty good today..we went into Commerce and got some groceries and a new microwave and got Elizabeth's hair cut. It looks cute and should hopefully stay out of her face now. John was up most of the night coughing but seems to be doing better today. More later.

another bad day...

i need to write on some of the good days...because to read this you would think i never had any. Oh well, today's not one of them...i'm not doing so well at this parenting thing! i lose my patience too much and i cant seem to keep a sense of humor. I get too sensitve at things they say...the INsensitivity of youth...ie..."i didnt want THAT picture of Barbie with someone else in the picture...i only wanted a coloring picture of Barbie ALONE!" i know i'm the adult..but not feeling like one today....need a pep talk i guess.

long day

Well, the house is starting to come together....still tons of things to put away. We got up early to go to the gym this morning, (i love to play raquetball) but my day started out bad there because I'm seeing currently with only one contact lens and so I played awfully! The kids seem to have fun in the day care center there so that's a blessing. We ran by the apartment and picked up a few things then to Target to take a look at our registry. Then home...fixed lunch and got the kids down for a nap..then Dale & I took a nap...we all slept for about 1.5 hours which was much needed. The kids played outside for a good portion of the evening...

Tonight was really cool...we all sat around and watched American Idol. It's rare that John (the three yr old) will sit still that long for anything...much less a singing show...but he's running a low-grade fever from allergies i think.

Still got a lot of details to work out on me getting my car fixed and the final details of the wedding & honeymoon. I hope the money comes together.

Some Perspective

Well it's been 2 weeks now... I have a little more perspective...The hardest thing to me about being a stay at home mom to these two is keeping them busy...they get so bored with things so fast...I dont know know what to have them doing! I dont want them watching so much tv...weather so far has prevented them from going outside a lot...We play games on the computer, we go run errands...we had TWO trips to the library last week...I like being on the go with them....I want them to learn how to behave in public. They're VERY strong willed.

I cant wait for the time when they start calling me Mom....

Day 1

A new life, a new day began today. Today was my first real day as a stay at home mom to Joshua (age 6) John (age 3) and Elizabeth (age 5)...combine with that Dale and i trying to forge ahead in our relationship, moving from my apartment in-town to the country...getting married in 3 weeks, and me quitting my job of 2 years last week, things are a bit stressed. But as Dale and i discussed...there's good stress and bad stress....i believe this is all good stress. But stress none the less.

Our day began today at 6:40 am when Elizabeth came knocking on our door wide awake. We sent her back to bed, but she was back 20 minutes later. And then 10 minutes after that. Finally we got out of bed, i headed off t my bath and when i got back, all the kids were up. i fixed their breakfast and then sent them out to play (at NINE AM!!...bad mama!!) This gave me some time to get my head together, check my email and ebay auctions etc. Then i took the kids to get their hair cut, mail some ebay packages and then back to house. Time to cook lunch...corn dogs, french fries & fruit. NAP time :) Dale & i layed down too and zonk we were out...that is until Elizabeth once again woke us up. So back at it again...we were going to go to the park, but i had some need to be near a toilet issues so we stayed here. This afternoon, they've played easter egg hunt, colored, fought, cried, ate dinner (pizza) and drew numbers to see who got to take a bath first. Pshew. What a day. (that Pshew costs me .05c) I charge the kids for using "bad" words.